Unwanted Leave
by Cheyennes
Summary: Jaz ends up being sent home early after the mission in Iran. Fortunately, once the rest of the team returns to the States, Top comes to check on her and McG isn't far behind.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hello to everyone still out there in The Brave fandom. For those who have partial stories posted, I look forward to reading updates. For those working on new stories, I can't wait to see what you come up with for our favorite characters. In the meantime, here is the first chapter of a story that has been sitting on my iPhone for a while.

Leave

Jaz leaned back against her apartment building and watched as night slowly turned to day. While it was a beautiful view, she wished she was on the other side of the world watching it with her team. If things hadn't gone horribly wrong that is exactly where she would have been at this very moment. Instead, she'd been home in Philadelphia for a couple of weeks, and she still looked around feeling disconnected. She felt like she didn't belong. Granted she wasn't in the States much, but when she wasn't abroad, this was her home and it usually suited her. Since she was well aware that things here were basically the same, she knew she was what had changed.

Jaz knew many of her colleagues would practically kill to be released from their rotation early. They often wished to escape from being with the same people twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. She was not one of them. For her this leave was nothing more than unwanted time away from her team. She'd trade it to someone else in a heartbeat if she could. Unfortunately the military didn't work that way.

After the trauma she had suffered in Iran, Top had offered rotating home early as an option. An option which she had declined. Unfortunately, higher up the military chain, it was decided that she was going home to recuperate whether she wanted to or not. Top had argued that she was entitled to make her own decisions but he had been overruled. Apparently there were some battles even Top couldn't win and this had been one of them. Once they had conceded defeat, the team had all piled into a truck and accompanied her to the airstrip to see her off. She was grateful she had managed to keep from bursting into tears but it had been a close call. It was that moment when she realized maybe she wasn't as "good" as she was telling them.

Since her departure from Turkey she had spoken to them a few times. They were still mission active so the conversations were shorter than any of them liked. However, during one of those short calls, they had managed to plan a team gathering at Preach's house three weeks after their rotation was officially over. Until then she was at loose ends.

In order to fill her time, as soon as she had been physically able, she had started walking large swaths of the city during the daytime hours. Her knee couldn't handle anything more stressful. She needed to wait for her other wounds to heal before she would be able to handle any workouts at the gym. While the days were monotonous at least she had a goal. A mission to complete. The nights were much harder for her. The long quiet hours gave her time to think about how wrong things had gone and how much she missed the guys. She missed Preach's quiet words of wisdom (she could really use them to keep her going), Amir's breakfasts (she knew she was losing weight without them), and McG's banter (she could use a laugh about now). She especially missed Top and not just for one reason. While she would never admit it out loud to anyone, he was the most important person in her life. He listened to her, respected her input, and made her feel important to both him and to the team. Her chest ached constantly at their separation. Considering they were usually in different places when they were off rotation, she was surprised to be having so much difficulty this time. Somehow the fact that she'd been forced to leave them behind made the entire experience different.

She was. . . . she guessed lonely was the right word. During the time she had been in captivity, all she had prayed for was to see her team one more time. She knew she should count her blessings that she'd had that opportunity. But she wanted more. Now she prayed to be back with them full time. Unfortunately it would be quite a while before that happened.

After making it through another day, Jaz returned to her apartment just as night was falling. She slowly climbed the stairs to her fifth floor apartment. The elevator would have been faster, and less painful, but she didn't like the feeling of being trapped. Yet another new issue to go along with the night terrors and her uncontrollable startle response.

Before she had arrived back in the States, she probably should have looked for a place outside the city. Somewhere quieter. Somewhere she was less likely to disturb others. Hindsight was 20/20. She was just lucky that so far no one in her building had called the cops when she woke herself, and probably them, screaming. She assumed they were taking pity on her since there was no way any of the tenants could miss that she had been injured.

She kept hoping the nightmares would stop so she could get the rest she knew she needed. The thing that frustrated her the most was that she couldn't remember any of the details of the dreams. Only feelings of pain, fear, and helplessness which weren't feelings she liked to entertain. It didn't take a genius to figure out where the nightmares originated. While she desperately wanted to put the entire Iran experience behind her, she was discovering that was easier said than done.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thank you for all of the reviews. I didn't get a chance to respond as I normally would but here is the second chapter than many of you mentioned you were waiting to see.

Three Weeks Later

Adam looked up at Jaz's apartment building wondering if he had made the right decision. He had talked with her on the phone a few times, and she had said she was fine, but something felt off. He had learned years ago to trust his instincts. Those same instincts pushed him to make the drive up to check on her in person.

It was just after dawn and all was quiet in her building. The lights were only on in a few apartments and Jaz's was one of those. He had texted her a few hours ago as soon as he was sure he was finally able to leave DC. The text had been short basically just informing her that he was coming. There had been no response. No indication that she had even read it. He let himself into her building with the access code she had given the team and knocked quietly on her door. He instantly heard movement inside. It appeared Jaz was still getting up with the dawn whether she was on leave or not. She opened the door in her robe and was clearly startled to see him.

"You should really look out the peephole before you open the door, Jaz."

"Top?"

"Adam will do for the time being. While we're on leave we're just normal human beings."

"Okay, but calling you anything different will take some getting used to, so cut me some slack. Come in."

As she stepped back from the door to allow him in she peppered him with questions, "How is everyone? Did they all go home? Did anything exciting happen while I was gone?"

He looked around her stark apartment before answering. Everything was in it's place, no pictures on the walls, no plants, no decorations. It didn't look much different than when he and Elijah helped move her in. Her quarters on Base had more character. He wasn't exactly sure what that meant but it was interesting that more thought went into her surroundings there.

"Yes, everyone went home. Preach wanted me to remind you of the gathering at his place but I already assured him that you couldn't have forgotten. After all he reminds you every time we talk."

"I didn't forget. Would you like some coffee?"

"Sure. By the way, you can ignore the text I sent you letting you know I was coming."

"Oops. Sorry I didn't respond. The phone was in my room charging."

Which clearly meant she hadn't been in the same room sleeping. He took a seat and watched as she began gathering the items she needed to get a pot on to brew. He took in all the details. The shadowing under her eyes, the fine tremor in her hands, and the new sharpness to her cheekbones. She looked like a woman on the edge. He watched as she slowly lowered herself to a seat on the other side of the counter from him.

"What brings you up my way?", she asked.

"You. I was hoping you would be interested in coming with me to my cabin. I thought you might be ready for a change of pace."

He had no idea. She was climbing the walls. She wasn't sure why she couldn't get her head on straight but she had come to the conclusion that what she was doing wasn't working. The quiet at Top's place was probably a good idea. Unfortunately, she knew she needed to be upfront with him even though she really didn't want to be.

"Going to your place sounds lovely. Really. But I have to admit I'm a little bit of a mess. I'm not sure that it's such a good idea for you to have. ."

He interrupted her mid-sentence, "I want you to come with me. I wanted you to stay with us at Base but as you know I was overruled. There's no one to tell us no now."

"Are you sure? I don't sleep well."

"I don't care. Everyone above Patricia in the chain of command thought coming home was the best thing for you. But they don't know you like I and the boys do. I think they imagined you coming home to a warm family reunion.

She couldn't help but snort, "Not happening."

"I know. In essence they cut you loose. I know you're strong, Jaz, but no one bounces back from capture and torture in a few days or even a few weeks time. Not even you. Sending you home meant cutting you off from your support system and worrying the hell out of us. I can't tell you how many times McG expressed his concerns that you weren't following up with your doctor."

Her grimace gave her away.

"Really, Jaz?! You didn't follow-up with your doctor?"

"I'm fine Top. . Adam. . I was keeping an eye on the wounds and I'm mostly healed."

"McG is going to be upset with you."

Rather than say anything, because she knew he was right, she stood and poured him a cup of the freshly brewed coffee and another for herself. She turned back around, not realizing he had come up behind her, and took a sudden step back dropping the cups in the process. She watched as they hit the floor shattering and spraying the hot liquid everywhere. She couldn't believe she had dropped them. She continued staring at the mess as her vision blurred.

"I'm sorry. I'll get you another cup."

She was about to turn back toward the counter when he froze her in place just by softly saying her name. He tipped her head up with a finger on her chin and she knew he was taking in the sheen of tears that she was trying to suppress.

"It's okay, Jaz. I'll take care of the coffee. Why don't you take a shower and pack your bag? We can catch up on the drive down."

Jaz didn't know what to say so she nodded in agreement. She retreated toward her bathroom as the tears she had come to hate started rolling down her cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam grabbed some paper towels from the roll and covered the wet spill before picking up the broken pieces of the cups. He heard Jaz turn the shower on and hoped it would soothe her. This incident just proved that he should have fought harder to keep her with the team until their rotation finished. He had known she wouldn't have much, if any, support once she came home. She had friends, but much of their work was classified, so she couldn't really talk to them. Even without the details he knew they would have tried to support her. But she had come home sooner than they would have expected and probably hadn't been in the mood to socialize. It wouldn't surprise him to find out that she hadn't told a soul she was home.

Once he cleaned up the floor he poured himself another cup of coffee and began to drink it as he wandered into the living room. He sent a quick text and then switched on the TV allowing the newscast to drone on in the background. He was hoping it would help him focus on something other than Jaz in the shower. A spiral bound notebook near the recliner caught his attention and he opened it. It contained sketches. He wasn't aware Jaz was able to draw so well. He almost wished she couldn't as he absorbed the scenes captured on the pages. They were clearly moments from her capture and they depicted worse than he had expected. Yes, Jaz had been hurt, but they had been focused on extracting intel so they couldn't damage her too badly. Others apparently weren't so lucky. He was sure some of the pictures in her book were corpses hanging in chains. They certainly had injuries that made it very unlikely that they would have survived. The fact that Jaz had to view those scenes worried him plenty. She was a protector by nature, and the fact that she couldn't help those people, would have been just about unbearable.

When he heard Jaz moving around in her room, he returned the book to its former position. A few minutes later she walked out towards him and the first thing he noticed was the amount of weight she had lost in a short period. When she put her bag down, her shirt slid off her shoulder and her collarbone was visible. When she looked back up at him he recognized the look on her face. She was about to apologize again.

"If you're thinking about issuing another apology for dropping the coffee, Jaz, I don't want one. It was an accident and I'm as much to blame as you for coming up behind you. I know you've been alone for the last few weeks so you haven't had to worry about anyone underfoot. I don't want you to apologize for anything while we're together unless it's something you've purposefully done. You reacted like anyone who has been in your situation would. Cut yourself some slack."

She looked at him and he could read in her expression that being patient with herself was a goal she wasn't likely to achieve.

"You need some rest and some decent food, Jaz. I may not be Amir but you know I'm a pretty good cook. Better than you apparently since you're the queen of canned and frozen food."

As he expected, a small smile appeared on her face. He wondered if it was her first smile since she'd been sent home. She was used to this type of teasing since every single one of the guys took great joy in pointing out that they could cook better than she could. He hoped he would see many more smiles in the coming days.

"Do you have everything you need, Jaz?"

"I think so. I packed light layers since I wasn't sure what the weather would be in the area."

"Light layers are good but you'll also need your coat since we'll be in the higher elevations."

"Okay."

He watched her closely as she walked over to the closet to get a light coat and a warmer one. Her gait was still off.

"How's the knee?" he asked.

"Sore."

"Is the bruising all gone?"

"Mostly. There's still a little bit of color left but the swelling is gone."

He walked over and picked up her bag while she carried her coats. She knew better than to insist he let her carry the bag when it was clear to him she wasn't completely healed.

"Can you think of anything else you need before we head out?"

"No."

"Okay. Let's hit the road. I'd like to get there before full dark. I've already had the caretaker out to stock the fridge and clean but I'd like to look around while there's enough light to do so."

Jaz locked the apartment door behind them and walked with Adam until he got to the elevator. While she wanted to appear as normal as possible in front of him, the elevator wasn't going to work for her.

"I think I'll take the stairs down. I'd like to stretch my knee before we spend a lot of time in your truck."

"No worries. I'll go with you."

She wished she could come up with a reason why he needed to take the elevator but she was drawing a blank. Instead she let him walk behind her as she slowly made her way down all of the flights. As Adam walked behind her, and saw the pain the trip was causing her, he wondered why she didn't want to take the elevator. He didn't believe for a minute that she just wanted to stretch her legs. He could think of a few reasons why the elevator might bother her but he wished he knew the right one. A mystery for him to solve later.

"My truck is two spots down on the left," he told her when they finally reached the bottom landing.

She walked outside and immediately saw the black truck. It was a large vehicle made to navigate the roads to his cabin in high snows. She remembered it as being very comfortable inside. Big seats to sink into and lots of space to move around.

As she got to the passenger side door she realized it was higher than she remembered. She started to think about how to best get into it. The sound of the back door opening on the driver's side of the extended cab told her he was loading in her bag. He came around to her side and took the coats away from her.

"Need help?"

"The day you need to help me get into a vehicle better be the day I have multiple gunshot wounds."

"Understood."

He turned away before she could see his smile. By the time he got back to the driver's side he saw she was in the truck. He was sure it hadn't been pretty but she'd accomplished the goal. He put on his own seatbelt and started the truck before looking over to Jaz.

"Are you okay to wait until we get to a Cracker Barrel for breakfast?"

"Sure. I'll probably just get a coffee anyway."

He started backing the truck out before commenting, "Nope. Rule number one on this trip is that you eat when I eat. Smaller meals maybe but something more than a beverage. Your body needs fuel."

"You say it's rule number one like there'll be more. Am I going to regret coming along?"

"Maybe. But I think the benefits will outweigh the drawbacks of the trip."

At least he hoped so. Jaz wasn't going to be real happy that he'd texted McG when he'd sent her to shower. He'd asked him to come to his place once he'd had the chance to see his mom. Jaz needed to be checked over since she hadn't been to see a doctor. When he had shared that information, McG had immediately responded in a flurry of emojis and words that he knew he'd been right when he'd worried about Jaz avoiding her doctor. In hindsight Adam had to admit that maybe he should have brought McG with him from the start. However, he hadn't been sure what condition Jaz would be in, and he hadn't wanted to overwhelm her. He'd also wanted to make sure that she still had people she would talk to if she had gotten angry about his unplanned visit and refused to come along. He'd wanted McG to have total deniability. However, after seeing Jaz moving around, he knew she needed McG's help. The continued stiffness in the injured knee worried him and he knew McG could set her up with a safe exercise program once he examined it. Plus she needed to gain some weight back or she was never going to pass their next rotation physical. He had a feeling her loss of appetite was more mental than physical, and while he made for okay company, McG was just plain fun to be around. Between the two of them they should be able to help Jaz get out of her own head.

The miles passed by in companionable silence. Several times he saw Jaz drifting off but she would jerk awake and quickly scan her surroundings. He didn't say anything because he'd seen that same behavior amongst his buddies who'd been rescued from their enemies. Her behavior was pretty par for the course. On the right side of the highway he saw a Cracker Barrel sign proclaiming the restaurant was just 15 more miles ahead.

"Looks like our brunch is coming up in about 15 miles. Biscuits, country ham, pancakes, and French toast. It may be bad for us but it'll taste great."

Jaz looked over and smiled at his enthusiasm over their upcoming breakfast. She wished she shared it. As they pulled into the parking lot she was surprised to see no lines outside of the building. They must have come at a good time. As he exited the vehicle she contorted her body to reach into the backseat to get her light jacket. By the time she had it her door was already open and Adam was waiting for her. She stepped down to the pavement with her bad leg and kept going down. If not for Adam's quick reaction in grabbing her around the waist, she would have hit the pavement.

"Woah there. You okay?," he asked as he secured her to his side.

"Yeah. I guess I sat too long."

"What have you been doing to prevent this from happening?" he asked while he closed the truck door.

"I mostly walked the city during the day and at night I walked around the apartment a lot."

"Okay. We'll stop every hour and a half or so. Give you a chance to walk around and see America. Or at least America's rest stops."

Jaz smiled at him. She realized she had already smiled more today than she had since she'd been separated from her team. It was a good feeling.

Adam pulled away from her once she seemed to have developed some stability. They walked into the restaurant together and got a table immediately. Their waitress was prompt and they placed their drink order and he asked for a plate of biscuits to get them started. He was getting their largest breakfast which had a little bit of everything. Based on Jaz's appearance there was no way she could handle that large of a meal. He watched as she scanned the menu but it looked like nothing was interesting her.

"The French toast is pretty good, Jaz. You can share my bacon with me so we can say you had protein. You know how Amir feels about any breakfast without protein."

"Why bother?"

"Right."

The waitress returned and took their order. While they waited he filled her in on some of their most recent missions in general terms. He also filled her in on the antics of Preach's brood while she picked at a biscuit. When the food arrived he dug in which meant less time for him to carry the conversation. He watched as Jaz spent more time pushing her food around on her plate than she did eating it.

"What's wrong, Jaz?"

She shrugged.

"I guess I could read your mind and tell you what I think?"

"No, I just think I'm too tired to really be hungry. I've gotten used to just snacking throughout the day."

"I hear you but please try to eat another piece of French toast or another biscuit. I'm not planning on stopping for food again on the rest of the trip."

"Okay," she replied reluctantly as she looked at her plate.

"Jaz?"

He waited until he had her full attention.

"One of the first things we're going to work on is getting you some sleep. I've only been with you for a few hours and I can see that you can't continue on the way you've been."

"I know," she sighed, "I've tried wearing myself out, warm milk, a cold room, a warm room, and a white noise machine. I only seem to get an hour in at a time and I wake up more exhausted than when I started."

"Hopefully my company will be just the solution."

"I guess we'll see but I wouldn't recommend holding your breath. You'd likely die."

Adam pointed his fork at her, "I'm not that easy to get rid of you know. Just ask Patricia."

Jaz was certain that Patricia had many stories about Adam that she would love to hear. Maybe she could bribe him for a story or two while they were on leave. She managed to eat another biscuit while she plotted how she would accomplish that goal.

After a quick trip to the restroom they were back on the road. The rest of the trip went smoothly with multiple stops for Jaz to stretch her legs. Shortly before dusk they pulled up in front of Adam's place.

Calling it a cabin didn't do it justice. It used to be a one room place but over years of leave Adam had expanded it. In her opinion it was now a lodge rather than a cabin with four bedrooms, a great room, a beautiful kitchen, and lots of comfortable furniture. Adam might be fine sleeping on the ground during missions, or in his rack on Base, but when he was off he liked comfort.

She stepped out of the truck bracing a hand on his shoulder to keep herself balanced until she felt she could stand on her own. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the pine scented air. The only sounds she could hear were the wind whistling through the trees, birdsong, and the sound of Adam moving away from her.

"Coming, Jaz?"

She opened her eyes and started up the stairs to join him. As he opened the door to the great room she took a moment to appreciate this place. It was always so relaxing. She pulled the door closed behind them shutting out the world.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. It's always nice to know people are still reading. :)

Adam called over his shoulder, "Which room do you want Jaz?"

She gave it some thought before answering.

"I guess the one closest to the great room."

It seemed like the best option so that she would have easy access to the TV if she couldn't sleep. The last thing she wanted to do was disturb someone else's rest while she was walking around.

"Okay, it's all yours. Once you're settled, check out the fridge and grab yourself a drink. I'm planning to grill up a steak and some potatoes. If you have time, start a salad."

Jaz dropped her items in her room and then walked out to the kitchen. She did check out the fridge and there was way more food than the two of them could possibly eat. The freezer was even more entertaining. It was so tightly packed that someone, she assumed his caretaker, had left a list of what it contained on top of the contents. She was pretty impressed. It took real skill to fill every bit of useable space. Returning to the fridge she pulled out all of the salad fixings while Adam reached around her to pull out the huge ribeye. He also grabbed a couple potatoes and some quick marinade from the pantry.

"I'll be on the back deck getting the grill going if you need anything. Otherwise, when your done, feel free to check out what's on TV. If you can find a weather report for the rest of the week that would be helpful."

"Consider it done."

It wasn't long before the tossed salad was prepared and she was sitting in the recliner flipping through the channels. She found a newscaster reporting that the weather would be sunny and seasonal during the day but unusually cold at night. All in all they couldn't ask for anything better. She found an episode of a much beloved TV series and immersed herself in the action.

A short time later Adam quietly stepped into the kitchen and peered around the wall to see Jaz curled up in the recliner. Her head was resting on the armrest and her eyes had taken on the glassy sheen that he was beginning to identify as the "I'm so exhausted I've checked out of my surroundings" look. She certainly didn't appear to know he was back inside and he was far from a ninja in his movements.

Determining that she was fine, he allowed the smell of cooking meat to pull him back out to the grill. He took a sip of the beer he had opened and looked out at the appearance of stars on the horizon as he flipped the steak. Ten more minutes and they would be ready to eat. He pulled out the salad, grabbed the plates and condiments, and set everything up at the kitchen table. He was ready just in time to pull the steak off the grill to rest and grab the potatoes. He put the potatoes on their plates and then cut the steak in half and then Jaz's piece in half again. Everything was on the table when he called for Jaz.

"Jaz, dinner's ready."

He watched as she uncurled herself from the chair and limped her way to the table.

"I would have helped if you let me know it was ready."

"No need. I had time while the steak was finishing up so it didn't make sense to make you come out."

She conceeded the point and took a seat at the table looking at her first home cooked meal in weeks. It did look much better than the frozen meals she had been eating since she got home.

"It looks great. Thanks for cooking."

"You're welcome. Maybe I can try to teach you to cook a few things while we're here?"

"You can try but I don't really have any interest. Now if you want to teach me how to use a new weapon, or perform a new martial arts move, I'm your girl."

Adam knew that was certainly the case. They carried on light conversation while they ate. He was pleased to see Jaz ate about half of her portion and even managed to eat some of the salad. Overall he considered their first meal at his place a success. Unfortunately he expected the night to be more difficult since Jaz had indicated she wasn't sleeping. Insomnia was miserable and he had battled with it himself off and on throughout his career.

After their meal was finished, he started a fire in the great room's fireplace. He had central heating but it didn't seem necessary this early in the season. The fire's warmth would drift through the lower level were they would be sleeping. It was too early to sleep so they watched a movie together and then another movie. At 2 am he decided it was time for him to drop into bed.

"I'm going to head to bed, Jaz. Don't worry about the fire as it'll ultimately burn itself out."

"Okay. Do you mind if I keep watching TV?"

"No, my room is still the one furthest down the hall so it won't bother me. Wake me if you need anything."

"Thanks. I should be okay. We've all been here enough to find pretty much everything we need."

"Okay. Just know I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks. I'll see you in the morning."

The morning started a little earlier than Adam had hoped. He was startled awake by a scream at 4:30 am. He pulled his T-shirt back over his head to go along with the sleep pants he was wearing. He didn't immediately rush out to her. He knew she was fine and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He quietly opened his door and walked down the hallway to the great room. When he was close enough he leaned out to look at her. She was sitting up in the recliner with her head in her hands trying to catch her breath. He could tell she was wiping away sweat that had beaded on her forehead. It must have been quite the nightmare.

"You okay, Jaz."

She looked up at him with red rimmed eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't."

"You know I'm a good listener."

"No, I mean I really can't. I have no memory of what I've dreamed about."

"That must be frustrating."

"You have no idea."

He walked over and took a seat on the couch across from the recliner before stretching out across it's length.

"The dreams have been going on since we got you back?"

"No, when I was on Base I was just too sore to sleep. The nightmares didn't start until about a week after I got home. Just about the time that the pain was getting better."

"So they haven't been happening long in the scheme of things. I bet it probably feels like an eternity to you, huh?"

"You have no idea. Between the screaming and the sleepwalking, I'm lucky my neighbors haven't had me committed."

"I wouldn't have let them. Tell me about the sleepwalking."

"Not much to tell. I wake up in a different place that I expected with no memory of how I got there. Fortunately that doesn't happen often."

"I'm glad to hear it. You definitely wouldn't be getting restful sleep if you're walking around."

"I'm glad it doesn't happen much because it's just plain creepy."

"I imagine it would be. I think it's safe to say you won't be able to go right back to sleep. Why don't you go ahead and turn the TV back on? I have over a hundred channels so there must be something we can find to watch."

Jaz flipped through the channels until she found something other than an infomercial. She looked over at Adam and realized he was already back asleep. She wished it was as easy for her. It did make her feel better that she wasn't disturbing his rest any longer. If he'd still been awake she would have sent him back to his room for the rest of the night. She settled down to watch TV for the rest of the early morning hours.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Here is another chapter of this story and I hope you will enjoy it as much as you have enjoyed the others.

When Adam woke at 8 am he looked over to see Jaz curled in a tight ball on the recliner. She was peacefully asleep, and he was hesitant to risk disturbing her, but the goosebumps on her skin told him she was too cold. She just didn't have enough body fat to stay warm in these cooler temperatures. He moved as quietly as he could and picked up a throw from the back of the couch and very gently laid it over her. The TV droned on in the background as he lay back down on the couch. The next thing he knew it was 10 am and he had been awakened by the sounds of Jaz shifting around in distress.

"Ready for breakfast, Jaz?" Adam asked softly.

She immediately jerked awake, "What?"

"Are you ready to eat? I was thinking either eggs or cereal."

"My vote is for cereal."

"Okay, cereal it is. Healthy stuff or junk?"

"We're supposed to be enjoying leave so bring on the junk."

"Junk it is. I ordered Honey Smacks just for you," he informed her with a smile.

They polished off their high sugar, low nutrient breakfast and hit the showers before meeting back in the great room.

"You in the mood for a little exercise to burn off the sugar? Maybe a walk down to the lake?"

Jaz stretched her injured leg and leaned from side to side, "I think so."

They set off and slowly walked the three miles down and the three miles back mostly in silence so they could enjoy the sounds of nature. Adam immediately noticed when Jaz stopped walking and began looking ahead of them suspiciously.

"Jaz? You okay?"

"Someone's on the porch."

Adam looked down the small hill and was surprised to see that McG had already arrived. He turned his attention back to Jaz.

"It's McG. I knew he was planning to come but I didn't expect him until later this week."

Jaz resumed walking toward the cabin and when McG saw them approaching he started out to meet them in the middle. Without notice he picked Jaz up and twirled around with her.

"Jazzy, we missed you," he said over her laughter.

"Put me down, you fool, before I throw up on you."

"It would certainly be the type of greeting I wouldn't forget," he teased.

He did stop spinning her around and gently lowered her until her feet touched the ground. For all that he was twirling her around a few minutes before, he was careful to hold onto her until he was sure she had her balance. He didn't want her to get hurt.

"I didn't know you were coming, McG."

"I thought I would surprise you two. Plus I had a sneaking suspicion that you may have avoided medical care since you left."

"A suspicion, huh?"

"Okay, more than a suspicion. It was almost a certainty once I put you on the plane."

"I can't really defend myself because you were right."

"Shall I pretend to be shocked?", he said as he tapped her nose with his finger.

Adam had wisely stayed out of their conversation as he had followed them back into the cabin. However, he decided to intervene now before McG launched into a full scale lecture.

"You hungry, McG?"

"Starving."

"You're always starving," Jaz noted, "I don't know where you put it."

"Hey, short stuff, I'm tall and it takes a lot more calories to keep me up and running."

"Whatever. It hasn't been that long since I ate breakfast. I think I'll download a book and read it in my room and let you guys catch up."

"Are you sure, Jaz? You can still sit out on the deck with us while we eat," Adam suggested.

"Thanks but I'm a little worn out from our walk."

"If you're sure. We'd be happy to have you hang with us."

"I'm sure," she said as she walked towards the bedroom she had staked out for her use.

Adam and McG grabbed some rolls, lunch meat, and other fixings, and set up a sandwich bar out on the deck table.

"You got here much faster than I had expected, McG"

"I wanted to see Jaz as soon as possible. Your text worried me. What have you learned so far?"

"Her knee is still bothering her, she is barely sleeping, and her appetite is lousy."

"The first thing I noticed was the weight loss. When I picked her up I could tell she had lost at least twenty pounds."

"When I first saw her yesterday it was early and she still had on a fluffy robe, but once she changed into clothes I'd seen her in before, I could see they were hanging on her."

"How did she do last night?"

"She woke screaming around 4ish after just a little bit of sleep. She did manage to fall asleep again and managed to stay that way for a bit longer."

"Any idea what the nightmares are about?"

"She says she doesn't remember them at all. I would guess they have to do with her time in Iran and I think she would agree. But not knowing what they're about makes it difficult to talk through her experience with her."

Silence settled between them for a minute as they both lapsed into thought. McG broke it with a more serious tone, "I lied to you back on Base, Top."

"About what?"

"Remember when you asked me if I had fixed her up?"

"Yes, you said she'd be fine."

"Acutally I said I fixed her. You took that to mean she'd be fine but I already knew better. Every time I tried to treat her wounds, she would flinch away from me, which just hurt her worse. She was getting so angry with herself over her response that I ended up walking her through tending her own wounds. I had assumed we would have more time to work through things with her."

"I wish you had told me. I don't know that I would have done anything differently but it's always good to have all the information."

"I know you're right. Once we got her back she was trying so hard to act like everything was normal and you were trying to do the same thing. Back in Iran Preach and I knew you weren't leaving without her regardless of the cost to yourself. There was no more pretending that we didn't know that her importance to you went far beyond that of a colleague. Once we had her back you took control of the situation by giving us more orders than we needed but it seemed to help you cope so we went along with it. I figured it wouldn't hurt to help Jaz have some control over her situation too. Plus it gave her a chance to learn some new medical skills that could save her life in the future. She can now suture like a pro."

Adam broke out in a light sweat at the thought of her stitching herself back together. He had done it himself in the field but he'd never wanted that for any of the members of his team. His job was to create plans that accomplished the objective with the least amount of risk. The whole Iran mission had been an epic fail on that front.

"I bet she was intent on learning any skill you would teach her."

"Intent is a good word for it. She focused on he process and blocked everything else out. It was like the wounds were on someone else. She asked clinical questions just like a student. I think she stayed so focused to make sure there was no space in her mind to think about what she had been through. She just wasn't ready to process it."

"I'm still not sure she has processed what happened to her."

They both mulled that over. Ignoring a situation had never worked well for either of them. Things always got worse, not better, which seemed to be the situation with Jaz.

Adam had his own confession to make, "I never read the reports, McG."

"What reports?"

"The report you submitted about her injuries, her debrief about her experience, and the debriefs the rest of you submitted about the mission as a whole. I signed off on every one of them but I never read a word."

"Honestly, Top, I don't know if I could have read them all either. It was hard enough writing up her injury report. The whole time I was writing it I was thinking about how I could only treat the wounds I could see. I didn't have the slightest idea how to treat the ones to her soul. I knew those wounds were just as bad if not worse."

Adam knew McG was absolutely right. He knew Jaz hated to be powerless as much as he did. Control was everything for the two of them. The experience she had survived was one that would have a lasting impact. Yet he had no doubt she would come through it even stronger. She just needed to get from here to there.

"How much of a fight do you think it will be in order for me to see her knee?"

"Actually, McG, I don't think you'll have any trouble. I believe she feels a teeny bit guilty that she didn't follow your instructions."

"I'll have to roll on the guilt a bit thicker in the future so she's more compliant," McG said with a smile.

"You can try. However, I think that'll only work a couple of times before she catches onto your manipulations. I suggest you save the guilt for when you really need it."


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Notes: Thanks again for all of the reviews and notices that people are following the story. I expect that this will be the next to the last chapter.

The rest of Adam and McG's lunch was spent catching up on what had happened since they'd parted. Once lunch was over, and the fixings put away, they began splitting wood since the forecast was calling for the area to have frost overnight. They needed fuel for the fire.

Much to McG's surprise, shortly before dinner, he knocked on Jaz's door and she really did let him examine her wounds and her knee. The cuts, punctures, and scrapes were almost completely healed but the knee definitely needed some work. He reviewed some exercises that he wanted her to do to improve the lateral movement and she promised that she would. He felt confident she would follow the instructions since full movement of her knee was necessary for her career.

As dusk fell Adam announced that the lasagna and garlic bread from the freezer was ready. McG and Jaz came down from the loft where they had been playing air hockey to pass the time. While Adam and McG polished off most of the food, Adam was still happy with the amount that Jaz ate.

Once dinner was complete they decided to go old school with a lengthy game of Monopoly. Jaz trounced them both soundly while McG claimed insider secrets helped her get the best properties and that she should be going to jail. She, of course, denied any such arrangement. When they had started playing the game Jaz had been pretty alert but Adam had noticed her yawning more and more as the hours had passed.

"Since Jaz bankrupted us it's probably a good time to grab some sleep."

"Agreed. I can't figure out why sitting on a plane is so exhausting but it is," McG responded.

"Jaz, can I get you anything before I turn in?" Adam asked.

"No, I think I'll turn in too."

He was pleased to hear that she was going to try to sleep in her room. It would definitely be more comfortable than sleeping in the recliner.

"Okay. The house is pretty warm from the fire, but if you get cold tonight, feel free to turn on the gas heat. You remember where the thermostat is?"

"Yes," Jaz and McG assured him.

"Okay. I'll see you both in the morning."

They all settled into their rooms with Jaz convinced she was finally going to get some sleep. Silence settled throughout the house and she allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

When Adam rolled over he realized it was 6 am. It was still dark outside and Jaz had been blessedly quiet throughout the night. Hopefully his prayers that she'd have a solid night of sleep had been answered. Just in case things hadn't unfolded as he'd hoped, he'd left his bedroom door open in case she cried out, and he knew McG had done the same. As he stood up he realized it was chillier in the house than he had expected and decided it really was time to turn on the central heating.

He passed Jaz's room on his way down the hall to the thermostat and was disappointed to see she was already up and about. He checked for her near the TV, up in the loft, in the kitchen, and on the deck. She wasn't in any of the places where he'd thought she might be. He walked out to check for her on the front porch and saw the last thing he'd expected. Small footprints in the frost that headed into the woods. He rushed back into the house grabbing a coat and yelling for McG who came running down the hall.

"What?!"

"Jaz is outside somewhere."

"What?!"

"You heard me. She must have wandered out there during the night. Based on the footprints, she didn't have shoes on and I'm guessing no coat either."

"Geezus. Let me throw an extra layer on and I'll join you in the search. Crank the heat while I'm at it."

Adam turned the heat up to 82 degrees and McG was running back down the hall that quickly. The men immediately began tracking her. They lost the trail more than once as the tracks meandered backwards or circled around an obstacle. It seemed like an eternity before they saw Jaz in the distance curled on the ground near the lake. They both broke into a run and dropped to her side immediately noticing she was only clad in shorts and a tank top. It was much too cold for her to be outside with so much exposed skin.

"Jaz," McG said while placing his hand on her shoulder and giving her a shake.

There was no response to his touch but fortunately there were also no new visible injuries. Adam realized they were lucky she hadn't walked out into the lake.

"Top, she's too cold to the touch. She's been out here for too long. We need to get her inside and warm as soon as possible."

"I'll carry her. Why don't you head back and get everything ready for us."

McG didn't even bother to reply. He stripped off his coat and they bundled her into it. Hypothermia was dangerous and could even be life threatening especially considering Jaz's weakened state. McG took off at a run.

"Up you go, Jaz," Adam said aloud as he picked her up in his arms and started walking carefully back towards his place.

It seemed like forever before he saw the cabin. All the lights were on inside and McG ran to open the front door for them when he saw them coming.

"Did she say anything on the way back?"

"No, she's still unconcious."

"I started some warm water in your tub."

When they arrived to the bathroom it was steamy from the heat. After pulling off the coat she had been wrapped in, Adam knelt down and carefully lowered her into the water. He took care to make sure her head stayed above the water line.

They anxiously watched her and about fifteen minutes later Jaz's unnatural stillness disappeared as her teeth began chattering. Shivers vibrated through her body. Shortly afterwards she began moving around fretfully in the water though her eyes remained closed.

"Too hot," she whispered.

"I know it feels that way, Jaz, but you're too cold," McG explained as he brushed his thumb gently down her cheek trying to soothe her.

She continued trying to get away from them while McG did another quick physical exam and reassured Adam who was trying to keep a hold of her.

"She should be okay. We just need to warm her up and make sure this never happens again."

"I'll be setting the house alarm from now on. She told me she previously had some episodes of sleepwalking. I just didn't think it would happen in less familiar places. Even if she did start sleepwalking, it never occurred to me that she would go outside, particularly when it was so cold."

"The mind is still a mystery, Top, and, at the risk of Jaz rising up from the tub to punch me, I stand by the belief that the female mind is even more so."

"I guarantee Jaz would disagree and insist that the male mind is impossible."

"Probably."

They both remembered many times when miscommunication had occurred between the sexes when she had first joined the team. Thank goodness those days were behind them and they were now a cohesive team.

"I'm going to empty some of this water out and run some additional hot water. The plan is to slowly raise the temperature of the water so that she warms up gradually."

They repeated the process several times over the next two hours and Jaz finally started to become more aware.

"What's happening?" she asked in a slurred voice.

"You took a nightttime hike down to the lake," Top told her.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Jaz."

The room fell silent except for their breathing, the heat blowing from the vent, and the sound of the water lapping in the tub.

"What's happening?" Jaz asked again a little later.

She sounded much more alert so Adam stood from where he had been sitting behind her and perched on the edge of the tub where she could see him.

"You took a walk last night back down to the lake."

He could see her doing an internal memory check and coming up blank.

"I don't remember."

Adam and McG looked at one another before turning their attention back to her, "We think you were sleepwalking."

She closed her eyes as the news overwhelmed her. It wasn't safe for her to be wandering off. She wished she didn't need to sleep but the limited quantity she was getting was starting to affect her. It was getting harder to remember things and she was shaky during periods of the day. What were her options? She couldn't have them restrain her to the bed because being restrained was too fresh in her mind. She wouldn't sleep at all that way. She was at a loss. Maybe have them lock her in her room? But what if she went out the window? She'd like to think she wouldn't do that but she couldn't guarantee it.

"How are you feeling now, Jaz?" Adam asked.

"Cold, tired, and embarrassed."

"We can help you with the first two. I don't know that I have the right words to fix the third thing."

"Top, do you have a big flannel shirt?" McG interrupted.

"Of course."

"Can you get it for Jaz to wear?"

"Sure."

He left the two of them alone and McG leaned down to her, "I'm going to get you on your feet. Stay in the tub to keep your feet warm and hold onto me so you can take those wet things off and switch into the shirt. It'll be like a flannel nightgown on you."

Adam arrived not just with the shirt but also a pair of Jaz's socks and underwear.

"Here you go," he said as he left the items on the edge of the tub.

"Top, if you'll step out, I'll get her squared away."

Adam did exactly as suggested. Jaz was like McG's little sister so there was no sexual attraction there. Adam knew his own relationship with Jaz was more complicated.

He stood out in the hallway listening to McG laugh and Jaz curse. Apparently there was some sort of a balance problem every time she raised an arm or a leg. He smiled as McG reassured her that his eyes were still closed.

He joined them when McG called him back in and he barely restrained a laugh. Jaz looked like a little girl playing dress up. The sleeves were falling off her arms and the hem of the shirt was hanging at calf height. McG picked her up and carried her back out to the couch near the fireplace so he could lay her down. He looked at her feet more closely confirming that there was no frostbite before helping her put her socks on. Once that was done he covered her up with a blanket before sitting down by her feet.

"You're going to be exhausted for a couple of days, Jaz. Or I guess I should say more exhausted. You're going to need lots of rest which I know is easier said than done lately but you need to try. Top and I won't let this happen again."

"It shouldn't be happening in the first place. This is just ridiculous."

"I'm no psychiatrist but I would guess this is exactly what needs to be happening. Your brain is working on something."

"I just wish I knew what it was working on."

"Something you aren't ready to remember yet."

Which was something that just raised the hairs on the back of McG's neck. It must be something pretty bad. He could think of at least one thing that she would want to block out and he was sure there were other horrors he wasn't even considering.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I was wrong when I thought this would be the last chapter. It seemed much too long to post in one chunk when people only have a few minutes a day to read a fanfic chapter. The next chapter will be the last one. Thanks again for all of the reviews, follows, and the PMs about this story.

Adam walked over to Jaz with a cup of coffee which she gratefully accepted. The warmth traveled through her hands and heated her insides as she sipped. She handed the cup back to Adam as he handed her a small plate with a piece of toast and two pieces of crispy bacon. She nibbled on the food until the plate was empty and then leaned over to get the coffee from the end table where Adam had placed it.

"Here's the remote, Jaz. I saw that new movie with the female sniper is available On Demand. I know you wanted to see it so feel free to order it."

"Okay. Thanks."

Jaz knew she could use the escape. The opportunity to lose herself in someone else's issues was exactly what she needed. She was exhausted and struggled to stay awake for the whole movie but she was successful. Overall she thought the movie was okay. The interpersonal storyline was good but the technical advisor had been way off. Clearly they had used a man. The sniper rifle the heroine used was much too large for her small frame. A good sniper had to be able to disassemble the weapon and quickly carry it out as if it weighed nothing. Jaz decided that maybe her second career could be as a technical advisor for TV and movies. She was certain the pay would be much better and the emotional wear and tear would be less.

McG and Adam had left about halfway through the movie to head to the general store to pick up some specific things that McG had wanted. They had decided to walk the distance which was a bit odd since it wasn't exactly close. She expected they were using the time to talk about her. So be it. At least she had warned Adam about her issues when he invited her to come with him. On the other hand, poor McG had been blindsided. She sure hoped he hadn't planned on a restful trip.

She spent the rest of their absence watching TV in the same spot where they had left her. Her arms and legs were feeling pretty weak and she didn't want them to come back to find her on the floor. It would be one more embarrassment to add to the collection. Just before dusk they came tumbling in the door pushing and shoving. They both were shouting, "I won."

"Nope. Neither of you won. It was a tie," she informed them.

"I won. Look, Jaz. I was carrying the bag from the store so the extra weight slowed me down. I should be handicapped," McG insisted.

"You should have insisted on that before the race started. You've clearly not competed enough with Top to know he's sneaky."

"I know he's sneaky, just from working with him, but that's against the enemy."

"The second you started racing him you became the enemy, McG."

"I still contest the results."

Jaz just shook her head. Adam leaned over the back of the couch, "Chicken and dumplings?"

Her stomach growled in response. Chicken and dumplings was practically Adam's signature dish. He didn't make those weird slippery dumplings but instead his were fluffy herb ones.

"I'll take that stomach rumble as a yes."

Now that the guys were back she pushed off the blanket and slowly got to her feet. She saw McG watching her closely and while she was dizzy for a second it quickly passed. She took slow halting steps to the bathroom on her sore feet, did what needed to be done, and made her way back to the couch. While she'd been gone three tray tables had been set up.

"We're going to watch the game," McG explained.

"Okay."

She settled back down and McG flipped the blanket over her again. The pregame show was on and she zoned out.

"Jaz?"

She startled at Adam's voice. Sure enough a bowl was on the tray in front of her and he had poured her a Sprite to go with it. Exactly the way she ate it on Base which showed that he paid attention to his team members.

"Thanks," she said as she sat up and focused on her meal.

Her eyes closed in bliss at the first bite. Maybe she could have him teach her how to cook this one dish. She looked over at the mess in the kitchen and quickly decided she was better off having him make it for her when she wanted it.

McG cleared the dishes when they were done and packed away the tray tables. They focused on the football game which ultimately went into overtime. Adam and McG watched as Jaz fell asleep shortly after the overtime period had started. They had talked on their hike to the store and had come up with a plan to keep her safe. They weren't sure she was going to like it, in fact they were pretty sure she would hate it, but it was the best they could come up with on short notice. When the game was finally over they quietly turned off the TV and the overhead lights leaving just the nightlights to illuminate their way. McG sat next to Jaz and gently shook her shoulder,

"Jaz?"

"Hmm."

"Open your eyes, Jaz. It's time for bed."

"Okay."

She got to her feet, still looking more than half asleep in the dim lighting, and McG twined his arm with hers walking her down the hallway.

"My room," she said as she looked over her shoulder as they passed by it.

"Not for tonight. You're going to bunk with Top. You'll have to get out of his room and past mine in order to get outside. Your days of sleepwalking in the cold are over."

Normally the thought of sleeping with Adam would have rattled her but she was just too damn tired. When they got to the last room McG left her with Adam and went back to his own bed.

"All your stuff's on the sink in the bathroom, Jaz," Adam informed her.

She peeked inside and saw all of her toiletries were indeed there. She took her time washing her face and brushing her teeth. When she walked back out into the bedroom she found Adam on top of the covers on the right. The covers on the other side of the bed had been pulled back and she slid under them. She turned on her side facing the window as Adam set aside the report he had been reading. She felt him shifting around and before she knew it he had positioned himself so he was tucked up behind her. She tensed when he wrapped his arm around her waist and and pulled himself flush against her.

"Go to sleep, Jaz."

 _Sure, because that'll be easy,_ she thought.

Yet somehow it was easier than she had expected. His warmth and familiar scent were so soothing she felt her muscles beginning to relax almost immediately.

Adam knew the exact moment when Jaz drifted back to sleep. The awareness her body normally carried dissipated and she melted into the covers and into him. He buried his face in the silky mass of her hair. If he managed to get any sleep at all he would be surprised.

Surprised he was when he woke in the middle of the morning. Somehow during the night he'd ended up under the covers on his back. Jaz's head was now resting on his shoulder and she had one arm across his chest and a leg stretched across one of his. He heard a sound near the doorway and looked over to find McG leaning against the frame smiling. Adam put a finger over his lips clearly indicating that he should be quiet. Very gently he extricated himself from her hold. When he turned back he found her on his side of the bed snuggling his pillow. It didn't look like she would be waking up anytime soon. He pulled the door mostly shut behind him.

"You two make a cute couple," McG said teasingly.

"Shut it, McG. Please don't say anything to embarrass her."

All humor fled from McG's face, "I promise I won't say a word. I may tease you but I want Jaz to get the sleep she needs. I don't care what the two of you need to do to make that happen."

The two men ate breakfast together discussing plans for the day. While Jaz continued to sleep they hooked up a video game system to the main TV and then Adam started reading the latest news while McG went for a run.


	8. Chapter 8

Jaz jerked awake with a gasp. Looking around she realized she was alone and a glance at the clock showed it was past breakfast. In fact, it was past lunch. She was still tired but her head no longer ached from lack of sleep as it had been for the last few days. She had just pulled herself up into a seated position on the bed when McG peeked his head in.

"I'm glad to see you're awake, Jaz."

"I just woke up."

"You needed the rest. How about some lunch?"

"Sounds good but I'd like to take a shower first."

"Understood. Come out to the kitchen when you're ready. There's some vegetable soup on the stove for you."

Jaz got herself out of bed and took a long hot shower. She moisturized her skin and slid into one of her long fleece shirts and a pair of thermal leggings. Once she had her hair braided she walked out to the kitchen. The guys were in the living room competing on the PlayStation. They paused the game to look over at her.

"I left some of the soup we had for lunch on the warmer so help yourself. Bread and butter are already on the table," Adam told her.

She made herself a nice sized bowl noting that it was closer to a stew than a soup. Clearly homemade since no soup out of a can looked like this soup. She was pleasantly full when she joined the guys in the living room. They spent the rest of the day playing video games and when dusk fell she joined them on the deck around the fire pit. They had eaten a frozen pizza for dinner and now they were making s'mores. There was nothing better than the smell of the crisp air, the wood burning fire, and the sugar overload of the melty chocolate and marshmallow. She found herself appreciating things so much more after being as close to death as she'd been.

The next two days and nights passed. During the days they had started adding more physical activity to help build Jaz's strength and during the nights she continued to sleep in Adam's bed. She realized she was getting a little too comfortable being wrapped up with him at night. She made the decision that after the next night she would try to sleep in the room she had claimed as her own. There was no reason not to try. She hadn't been sleepwalking, and other than jerking awake a few times with her heart in her throat, she had been sleeping much better. On what was to be her last night in Adam's bed her mind chose to share with her what it had been protecting her from. Whether she was ready or not, and as Adam and McG found out, she wasn't ready.

The first sign that something was wrong was when Adam awakened to find Jaz whimpering in her sleep. It was a sound full of anguish. She looked as she had that first night. Pale, sweat dampened, skin glistened in the moonlight. He was just about to wake her when she jerked upright on a scream. Silence reigned for about twenty seconds before her face crumpled and sobs racked her body. He tried to hold her but she pushed him away and ran from the bed to the bathroom. The sound of her heaving filled the room as McG ran in while Adam was getting out of bed.

"What happened," McG asked quietly.

"I'm not sure. Nightmare, I think."

They looked at one another and it was clear that neither was sure if they should try to talk to her. Ultimately she made the decision for them when they heard her close the door and start the shower. When the shower stopped they heard her rummaging around getting dressed. She stepped out into their view and she looked absolutely stricken. Adam walked over to her and she jerked away when he tried to rest his hand on her shoulder.

"No. I don't want to talk."

She brushed by them before walking out to the main closet. She pulled her heavy coat off the hanger before pulling up her hood and stepping out into the darkness of the porch.

McG looked at Top, "I think she knows what the nightmares were about now."

"I thought that would be a good thing, McG, but she's more closed off now than she was on the first day I showed up to her place."

They both looked out the window and it was clear that she was crying again. They didn't know what to do. Jaz wasn't someone who cried. She was more likely to lash out in anger when she was upset and they were both used to dealing with that behavior. But these tears? They both desperately wanted to fix what was wrong but the question was how. McG finally ventured a suggestion.

"I think we should let her be for a little while, Top. She went out on the porch because she wanted to be alone. I know it's only 5 am but I don't think any of us are going back to sleep now. We should probably start on breakfast."

Author's Note: I apologize for the lengthy delay between updates. My laptop died, and since I had already deleted the story off my iPhone, I had to wait until someone with more expertise than I could get the story off of the hard drive. I'm back in business and wanted to get some of the story up today. The rest of the it will be posted this weekend.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Here is the last chapter as promised. When I was writing this story I happened to capture a documentary of mental torture techniques used on captured female soldiers. Please be aware that it was pretty disturbing stuff and a piece of it ended up in this last chapter of the story.

Jaz sat on the porch swing trying to stuff all her feelings back inside. There was nothing she could do about what she'd seen in Iran. No way to fix what had been broken. She shivered at the memory of the warm blood spraying her face. In that one moment, her tormentor had done more to break her down than all the other things he had done to her. She didn't think she would ever forget that moment. Ever forget the evil that had been in his eyes. She knew she would never be the same person again.

The sun rose and she continued to stare out at the horizon. Now that the storm of tears had passed she felt numb. Worn out. She walked into the cabin letting her coat fall on the floor behind her. Someone would get it later. She walked down the hall and climbed back into Adam's bed. Instead of thinking, she stared out the window and listened to the sound of birdsong letting nothing else touch her. Sometime later she realized Adam was back in bed with her, resting his chin on the top of her head, and holding her close. She felt nothing which told her how "off" she was. She usually either felt warm comfort or the heat of sexual attraction. Hours passed. Many apparently. Adam finally got up and walked around to her side of the bed crouching down so he was in her visual field.

"You need to eat today, Jaz. McG agreed that yesterday you needed time but today is a new day. I'll be back to get you in a little bit."

Adam left Jaz behind and joined McG who was already in the kitchen.

"Top, did she talk to you yet?"

"No, I think she's being very careful not to think about anything at all."

"I think it's safe to say something really bad happened to her. Worse than what we already know about."

"I know. Obviously something bad enough that she blocked it out completely. I'm not sure if I should push her or just let her come around on her own."

"I wish Preach was here. I'm sure he'd know what to do. But he would probably tell us there is no right answer. My thought is that we push her just enough to get her to get up, eat, and shower. The rest will need to be up to her."

"If we go that route we won't be getting to the root cause," Adam worried.

"I know but her physical health needs to come first and then we can focus on the rest."

Adam gave that suggestion some thought and decided it was probably their best option. If he pushed her too hard she might insist on leaving and he definitely didn't want that to happen. He didn't want her to be alone again.

Okay. Do you feel up to handling breakfast?"

"Sure. I'll put together a hash brown casserole."

"Let me know when it's ready."

"No problem. With the stuff you have in the fridge I would say about 45 minutes."

Adam walked down the hall and leaned against his door frame looking at his bed. Jaz was a tiny figure right where he had left her. He didn't want her in his room alone. Maybe pulling her out into their activities was the best way to engage her. He leaned down and pulled the blanket out from under his side of the bed and walked over to her side and did the same. He carefully tucked it around her before picking her up. There was no protest. Not that he had really expected one. He cradled her against his chest before walking out into the kitchen. He could tell he had startled McG but he gamely went along with it.

"Morning, Jaz," McG said while Adam sat down in a kitchen chair with her in his lap.

He and McG carried on a conversation about a movie they had seen on base after Jaz had been gone. It wasn't so much the content but the voices they were hoping she was hearing. When breakfast was ready, McG cut a slice of the casserole for all three of them. He placed the smaller of the three portions in front of the chair next to Adam. When Jaz saw him place orange juice next to it she stood up and moved over to take a seat there. She ate quietly and methodically. Adam and McG kept the conversation flowing until breakfast was done. They watched as Jaz wrapped the blanket tighter around herself and took her plate and glass to the sink before walking back down the hall. Adam fully expected to find her in bed when he checked on her but instead heard her in the shower. About 25 minutes later she came back out to the great room dressed to run.

"Anyone want to run with me?" she asked.

They were both startled by the question but immediately agreed and went to change. By the time they were ready, Jaz was on the porch stretching. They took off slowly but then Jaz started to run at a steady pace. They ran in a loop for about ten miles before McG came up with a reason to put a stop to it.

"Jaz, I think I pulled a muscle."

She immediately slowed to a stop, "Will you be okay?"

It was the right question but it held no emotion.

"Yup. We just need to head back slower."

"Okay."

They walked the rest of the way back and they all took another shower. Jaz was the first one done for once and they found her in the kitchen making sandwiches. She sat down and ate hers while they did the same. The rest of the day passed quietly. Jaz would ask the occasional question and respond when she was asked a question. She ate with them, watched TV with them, and generally went through the motions of the day. But that's all it was. Going through the motions. The spark that was Jaz was gone. It was buried under a mountain of grief. The next day unfolded the same way and it was like a burr under Adam's skin. He had to do something. Something so out of character it would shake her and force her to feel something.

On the third day after Jaz had broken down in tears, Adam asked McG to make himself scarce until dinner. The medic agreed with a knowing look in his eyes. He knew Adam had something up his sleeve but didn't want or need to know the details. Around lunch time Adam found Jaz looking out the window. She was still miles away and he wanted her here. He walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders feeling the weight of the tension she was carrying. Her mind might be thousands of miles away but her body was strung tight enough to snap. He massaged the muscles of her shoulders and after a few minutes they started to relax. She let her head drop forward so he could have better access and her moan of pleasure echoed through the room. He encouraged her to turn around to face him. He tilted her chin up before licking across her lips. She gasped in surprise and he knew she was very much in the moment now. He covered her lips gently with his own and after a minute she twined her arms around his neck melting into him. He reached down and pulled her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Adam always knew they would be combustible and this was definitive proof. This was exactly why he would never have done anything like this on Base. He walked over and sat down on the couch with her still wrapped around him and he lost himself in her. They were both breathing hard when he pulled away. He rested his forehead against hers as he tried to get himself under control. It was easier said than done but he wasn't taking this any further until Jaz was her normal self. He pulled her in against his chest and tightened his arms around her. Once he had rested his cheek on the top of her head he broke the silence.

"Please talk to me, Jaz."

"I can't," she croaked out, "I have to stop thinking about it."

"It's eating you alive. You need to tell someone. Tell me."

A shiver rattled thorough her body. He grabbed the throw from the back of the couch and wrapped it around them even though he knew she wasn't really cold.

"I killed someone," she told him with her voice barely above a whisper.

She had killed many someones in her career so he knew there was more and her next words confirmed it.

"A child. A little girl."

He felt the warmth of her tears against his neck. Evidence of her overwhelming grief. He let the silence sit between them for a while before pushing her a bit more.

"What happened, Jaz?"

"I wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know. They tried physical abuse first and when that didn't work they moved onto mental abuse. I still wouldn't tell him. When he brought the dirty little girl in I didn't believe his threat. I thought he was toying with me. I was so wrong."

She was close to hyperventilating now.

"He. . .slit her throat. Her blood. . . it sprayed everywhere. . . on my face. . . my mouth. He shoved her at me. I. . . my hands were restrained. . . she died practically in my lap. I couldn't. . . couldn't even hold her. . . the look in her eyes. . . the terror. I couldn't save her. Adam. . . I don't know. . . don't know if I can do this anymore."

Her sobs were heartbreaking. Her captor had done the one that that Jaz couldn't accept. Growing up as an abused child she would now do anything. . . ANYTHING. . . to protect a child even at the cost of her own life. Just like the sketches in her book this was a situation where she'd had to watch someone else suffer. No wonder her mind blocked it out. Adam wished he could take the memory away from her permanently. He didn't want her to have to carry it's weight with her. But that wasn't realistic. All he could do now was try to mitigate some of the damage.

"As hard as this is to hear, Jaz, there was nothing you could do."

He pulled away from her slightly so she could see his face.

"There was nothing you could do. **Nothing!"**

He used his fingers to wipe away her tears.

"I'm so sorry you'll have to live with that memory. But you have to keep moving forward in order to protect other people. Other kids being victimized in countries where they aren't valued. You will be able to help those kids. Trust me. If you can't trust yourself, trust me."

Adam leaned back towards her and their kiss this time was filled with all the tenderness he could pour into it. All the strength he could share with her. She had bared her soul to him and he felt he needed to do the same.

"I've been in a lot of bad places in my life, Jaz, but I've never been so scared as I was when you were taken. I realized in that moment that it would destroy something in me to lose you. Nothing that happened to you in Iran will change that truth regardless of what you think."

Once he was sure she saw the truth in his eyes, he maneuvered them until he was stretched out on the couch. She was draped on top of him and he felt her stifle a yawn. He tucked the throw tighter around her. After the last couple of days, the emotional trauma and the worry, they both needed more sleep and it wasn't long before they succumbed.

The sun had almost set when McG returned. He quietly opened the front door and took a look at the two of them wrapped up in one another before he stepped back outside. He pulled out his cell phone and called Preach. When the older man's voice came over the line McG spoke,

"I owe you $20. You were right. Iran was the turning point. Jaz and Top's relationship will never be the same."

After he brought Preach up to date on the information, he knew he ended the call, McG thought about everything the team had been through to this point. There had been some high highs and some really low lows. Yet if those events hadn't happened they wouldn't be the team they were today. Trauma was often followed by immense change as one's priorities shifted and he had no doubt things had shifted today.

He had no doubt that Top had gotten Jaz to talk to him about what had happened to her. After all the man had skills. He also had no doubt that Jaz would recover completely from her capture and torture. What remained to be seen was how Jaz and Top navigated each other when this leave was over. A smile crossed his face. One thing was certain. It would be entertaining to watch and he would have a front row seat.


End file.
